she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
