The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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