So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
