well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize