You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize