Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
