We're like a lot better than the average bears
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
