I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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