Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
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FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
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We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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