I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
