YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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