Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
