Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
