bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
