If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Pants are for mortals
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
