How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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