I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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