I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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