It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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