How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
