take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
