she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Please, let me fuck your mom
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
