I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
