Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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