Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
