Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
