He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
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Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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