saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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