If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
