His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
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Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
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And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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