LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
