i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
