Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
