I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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