She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
if i died would you start the facebook group?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
