Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
