No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
