when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
