so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
