I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
