i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
