I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
