i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
as a side note pls kill me
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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