i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
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It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
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did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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