I think I am morally bankrupt
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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