Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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