We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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