dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Pants are for mortals
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
