Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
