I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Randomize
