Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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