Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
