don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
