the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
