so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
