You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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