you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
