corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
