It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
