I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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