the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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