Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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