you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
