Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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