Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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