She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
