I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
