Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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