she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
