she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
