I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize