Tell her she can't have a vagina
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
